Loosing another person

I've been battling and accomplishing weight loss. For the past few months, I have been watching nearly everything I eat and monitoring my calories, and types of food I am intaking. I have lost a total of 35 lbs! This is a huge accomplishment for me as I have never lost weight, unless I was sick. I mean seriously 35 lbs in a little over 2 months, thats HUGE! I even picked up running and walking as a past time.

Just last week I did 2.8 miles, however I aggravated my knee and was forced to pull away from running. I have started walking again and doing knee exercise to help strengthen the week muscle on my knee. I have gained 5 lbs back since I had to stop working out. That 5 lbs is like a death punch to the face to me.

The last few months I have had to take a hard look at myself and why I eat. I didn't get to be 260 lbs for nothing. There is a reason for it. I know that medication takes a huge play in my appetite, but I mean come on, 260 lbs???? I never thought I would be that heavy. So, I lost that 35 lbs and reached my pre-wedding weight. I am ecstatic!

I have realized that with myself there is always a "but". So.. here it comes. I have lost all this weight and been successful, BUT, I am fearful that I will gain it all back quickly and more. I have found that if I let my guard down just and inch, I run a mile with it. So I have to think back to when I quit smoking and how I did it. I stopped cold turkey. And I was Successful. I don't think about them anymore, or crave them. Its just that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think I don't even truly believe I can loose more weight. I think that I party believe it was an anomaly that I lost what I did, and I fear I can't recreate it. I want to life a life that is real, authentic and healthy. A diet for a real life woman is what I am looking for right now. I lost that weight by drastically changing my diet, but now that I am living in real life circumstances, I feel like I can't meet those expectations.

So I just listened to myself typing all the above and I thought,  "Wow, negativity galore!" So I think I'll try to change my thoughts a bit and finish out strong here.

I AM loosing weight. I AM eating to fuel my body. I Love my body and want it to be healthy. I Demand myself to make the right choices in my diet. I am so very grateful for the weight I have lost and will loose this week. I am grateful that I can still run, and that my knee isn't perminatly injured. Ohhh How I love to run. I am so lucky to have the life that I have. I have a lovely home, and a great husband. My life is overflowing with love and joy.