What a difference a day makes

Well, I'd like to hope everything is all better with some sleep. Well most of it is anyways. Still have the anxiety in the background, but I feel more stable then I did last night. I realize that I am cycling. I don't enjoy it at all. It's exhausting. I spent some time with some girlfriends today and I think that helped get my mind of my internal feelings. However, sometimes I feel like I am, "faking it" what ever it is that I am faking. Life maybe? Putting on a happy face when I feel icky inside? I am not entirely sure, but it doesn't feel authentic sometimes.

I've totally lost track with where I was going with this blog post.

Lets touch on the authentic bit. I strive to be authentic as a person. What you see is what you get. But when I am not doing as well as I would like, I have learned that it's best to "fake it". Put on a mask and go through the motions. You can not sit at home and stare at the walls feeling sorry for yourself. You have to get up get dressed and go outside even if it's to the post office or grocery store. Unfortunately you have to practice at being healthy minded. And it is exactly that Practice. What I don't like most about..."faking it" is that I feel like I am not being authentic to my friends, family, and who ever I am dealing with that day. Except do they really want to hear, "Ya I feel crappy today, just like yesterday and the day before.". It gets old real fast. Lets see how many friends you keep while doing and acting like that?..... so there is my delema. Do they want the real you?? The brutally honest you?. Or should they see the best you that you can manage today and in that moment? I have to tell you that sometimes I slip, and vent to friends about something. Sometimes I get a little "too emotional." about things and get carried away. I then realize I've overstepped. I've gone to far. And once you've gone to far, it's hard to come back.

Well, anyways, my point being I felt better in the morning after a good nights rest. And I went about my day. But now I am feeling scatter brained and even as I type this post I feel like I keep touching on all these different topics. Not really tackling one problem.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.