Developmental Stages and Me

I had a session today with a counselor. During the session a huge light bulb went off. I was talking about the trauma that had occurred in my life, (the relationship with the Pakistani talked about previously in my blog) and how it effected me today. I was talking about the age range it occurred and the guilt I had felt because of it. As if being the victim wasn't enough, I was now also responsible for the perpetrator's actions. I realized that I needed to forgive myself for being innocent and mailable. I need to really honestly truly realized that I was impressionable. And move forward and leave the negative emotions that I relive behind.

After we were done with the topic, she said, "I find it interesting that this occurred during the time when you were developing social skills and relationships. And now, you have been struggling with them ever since." So what did I do? I ran home and googled developmental stages and trauma. I also looked at what can happen if trauma occures in the stages, and what can happen psychologically to the individual if it doesn't form correctly, or is hindered, or cracked along the way.

With everything I struggle with socially, my findings made so much sense.

Erik Erikson's Therory as follows:

5. Adolescence: 12 to 18 Years

Ego Development Outcome: Identity vs. Role Confusion

Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Up to this stage, according to Erikson, development mostly depends upon what is done to us. From here on out, development depends primarily upon what we do. And while adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult, life is definitely getting more complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues.

Our task is to discover who we are as individuals separate from our family of origin and as members of a wider society. Unfortunately for those around us, in this process many of us go into a period of withdrawing from responsibilities, which Erikson called a "moratorium." And if we are unsuccessful in navigating this stage, we will experience role confusion and upheaval.

A significant task for us is to establish a philosophy of life and in this process we tend to think in terms of ideals, which are conflict free, rather than reality, which is not. The problem is that we don't have much experience and find it easy to substitute ideals for experience. However, we can also develop strong devotion to friends and causes.

It is no surprise that our most significant relationships are with peer groups.

5. Identity v Role Confusion

Puberty and Genitality

adolescent / peers, groups, influences / resolving identity and direction, becoming a grown-up

Produces: Fidelity and Devotion

Malformation produces: Fanaticism /Repudiation

From what I gather is if this stage is malformed, formed wrongly, or is damaged in this area and not completely healthy then the outcome can be "Fanaticism" or "Repudiation".

The definitions are:

Fanaticism is a belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal,
From the above link, I gather unwavering passion. Also a fanatic. No matter what happens you are a "fan" of something.

Repudiation may refer to:Disownment, the formal act by which a parent forcibly renounces his child

or

repudiated : disowned, rejected as untrue or unjust

or

repudiation: The refusal, especially by public authorities, to acknowledge a contract or debt.

From what I gather, the fanaticism doesn't really fit. However, I do grab on to things and stick with them believe wise. But I wouldn't call myself a fanatic by any means with any thing.

The repudiation makes more sense. That I feel rejected, and have a fear of being rejected. I feel invalid and I de-validate myself constantly. I lessen myself in order to make others more comfortable. And I also severely feel rejected by authority figures. I feel like I don't get acknowledgement and just plain negative attention.

I feel like this makes so much sense. I wish I had better definitions of repudiation. I had to pull from several locations to make sense of it. I think it is talking about a more formal manor then what I experience. But I am assuming it's the same?

I hope this helps someone who is reading this. Perhaps if you are struggling with something and have had some sort of trauma, even divorce, do some research and see what area of yourself was developing at the time the trauma occurred. It helped me.

Good luck.