Jogging through life

I ended up not doing the volunteering with horses. I think it's too much of a commitment for me and I'm still so new at feeling well. I ALWAYS take on too much and then end up letting it all go and falling back into a deep depression. Then not only am I feeling depressed but guilty for not holding up the commitments I made previously. The shame involved with that is centered around failure. Failure can be a crippling experience if you are someone who deals with it often. I do somewhat feel like I failed because I did make "that" call to set up the volunteer thing in motion. But I figured better to keep myself sane then simply busy.

Lately I have been struggling with my body not being able to go as fast as I want it to. Both in life accomplishments, and also while walking. I found that I started to graze at night and eat the amount of an entire meal in snacking. It was taking over my evening life. It was running my nights. It was taking over my life. I tried just about everything and then ended up realizing I was simply bored. I had nothing to do, so I occupied myself with snacking. My mind was going to fast for my body. My body had nothing to to. My physical world was completed for the day. I needed a project. So I borrowed my mother-inlaw's sowing machine and started doing some sowing projects that I've had on my to do list for weeks now. The eating stopped. I also started my walking up in the evening and did a few alterations of keeping busy at night. I do still find myself snacking on a few things but mostly I am in control now. I felt so helpless and so defeated in the beginning and I now realize that it was a simple solution to a big problem.

As for going faster on my walks, I have expressed to a few people who are avid exercisers that my body was simply not ready to do what I wanted and the jogging was hurting my shins, knees, and Achilles tendon. My sister inlaw offered up some advice that was very useful. She recommended that I try doing a walk/jog. Basically I would be jogging in place and move forward slowly and steadily. IT WORKED!. My body held my weight for about just under 1/4 mile. My muscles still got worked out but I could move. I got the mobility my mind wanted. I wanted to go faster. I wanted to run, and get pumped up. My body just couldn't. This gives me more of a challenge then just walking, but not so much pressure that my body is risking injury. I was proud, and happy, and pleased that I had found something that worked for me, and something that I liked. I just wish no one could see me do it! HA!

Oh and P.S. I got the trail running shoes I've been wanting so bad. They have been of great use! :) Go Salomon!